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How to Make Your Business Life and Your Personal Life Work Together

Missy Cohen-Fyffe’s business is based on her finding a solution to a simple parenting problem: keeping infants and toddlers comfortable and germ-free while sitting in grocery store shopping carts. Her fix, a cloth shopping cart seat called the Clean Shopper, was introduced in 1999, and was an instant success. But with this success came its own set of problems. Most important, Cohen-Fyffe’s work started taking over her entire life, she says.

“I sent out my own press release in August 1999. Parents wrote about my product in February 2000, and my phone started ringing off the hook,” she says. “I couldn’t keep up with the demand for the product. I was answering calls, taking orders, shipping product, sending releases, billing for goods, and trying to create a Web site.”

People didn’t see her for days. She had to hire a baby sitter to take care of her kids. Her son, then 5, told her he wished she didn’t have to work so much. One night around 2 am, she had a realization. Unless she prioritized tasks and rebalanced her life, she would lose the very things that meant the most to her — family and friends.

Cohen-Fyffe is lucky. She learned early on that no matter how successful she became, her money and success couldn’t take the place of intangibles such as free time, laughs, and the ability to spend the money she worked so hard to earn. This is a lesson that doesn’t come as easily to most entrepreneurs, says Clay Nelson, the president of Clay Nelson Life Balance, a business coaching firm based in Santa Barbara, California.

“The work you do can’t hug you, but that’s something that most people don’t get,” he says. “They spend more time planning their businesses than planning a great marriage, and that’s where you run into problems. It’s okay to be driven, to be a Type A, but only if you can do that with no guilt. That means fitting in time for what you really, really want.”

Having the Talk

Doing that might seem like it’s easier said than done, but in reality, a little planning can help you grow your business and live a more balanced life. You can start by admitting that, at least in the beginning, your business will require an enormous amount of time and energy. Once you admit it to yourself, it’s time to communicate this information to your family and friends. Tell them your statement comes with one important caveat: No matter how many hours you work, you promise you’ll include them in your business plan.

So how do you do this? Jim Clemmer, the author of Growing the Distance: Timeless Principles for Personal, Career, and Family Success, suggests sitting down with your family and asking them what events or experiences they aren’t willing to give up sharing with you. In return, give them a list of business-related milestones and meetings that are crucial to your company’s growth. Then compare your lists, and create a formal, written agreement that details exactly when you will work.

“My family and I came to an agreement that I would not work weekends or be away for more than three nights in a row,” says Clemmer. “That costs us 20 to 30 percent of our income, because I’ve been asked to do weekend and overseas engagements, but I had to think about what I wanted most, and that’s my family.”

When Clemmer did this exercise — and when he revisits it each year — he carved out time on his calendar for personal business, including important school events and vacations, and entered them on his calendar before he created his work schedule.

Dr. Brad Swift, the founder of a company called Lifeonpurpose.com says this method — building your schedule first around your personal life — works better than the alternative.

“It usually doesn’t work if you start from the business side of things, because there’s a tendency for small business owners to be natural workaholics,” he says. “The sense of needing to be always open and there for clients can drive us to being massively overwhelmed. Eventually, you burn out.”

Swift says you should fill in the “wants” in your life first, which will cause you to budget your time. Plan space for mini-vacations or long weekends as well as at least one longer, formal vacation. Next, fill in the “haves”— personal meetings and commitments. Plan carefully, and commit in writing to sticking to your plans. Of course, if you know your busy season is January through April, don’t schedule a vacation during that time. He also suggests building in one day each week or several each month for building your business. These will be days where you’re not working on anything specific that will directly generate cash flow. Think writing future business plans or designing a new ad campaign. Things such as working with a mentor and attending networking meetings fall into this category, too.

Don’t Negotiate, Delegate

And then comes the hard part: taking that schedule and making sure you can actually achieve what you’ve set out to do. More often than not, this will require hiring help or creating a contingency plan for while you’re away.

One of the hardest things a small business owner does is relinquish control. No one, they think, will care about their business the way they do. And they’re right to some extent. But there’s no way someone can be all things at all times. At some point, you’ve got to delegate less important tasks first, say experts, and eventually, build a team that can handle some of the important things, too. Mark Van Grack, the owner of Hapa Sushi Grill and Sake Bar in Boulder, Colorado, realized this firsthand. Van Grack was working more than 100 hours each week when he launched his first of three restaurants. Today, he works less than 40, and has a burgeoning business. After his first year in business, he put together a team of what he calls “well-trained managers,” who are rewarded with cash bonuses if the business succeeds.

“We teach our managers the business,” he says. “The more they understand how the business works, the easier it is for us to communicate. It’s almost like they are business owners, too.”

You can also build in more time for your family by using your time wisely, a strategy that Clemmer employs.

“If I’m going to the dentist, I bring along work-related reading material. I use e-mails rather than spending too much time on the phone,” he says.

Finally, consider using one of Clemmer’s best strategies: Enlist friends, family, and co-workers as interventionists.

“I ask my wife to help me pull away and unblur the line,” he says. “There’s a fine line between passion and unhealthy obsession. Being aware the line is there is important, so that if we get caught up, others can help us stop so we don’t damage our relationships or our businesses.”

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